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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26509012">the space in between</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorthOfSomewhere/pseuds/NorthOfSomewhere'>NorthOfSomewhere</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hetalia: Axis Powers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Depression, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 02:48:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,137</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26509012</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorthOfSomewhere/pseuds/NorthOfSomewhere</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>From the end to the beginning.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>America/England (Hetalia)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the space in between</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>All they seem to say is sorry and to Alfred it all feels so empty, so he counts the condolences and every 'sorry for your loss' and wonders why this happened.</p><p>Razor sharp winds graze Alfred's face as he shakes hands and collects semi-awkward hugs from almost strangers. They lean in closely to speak over the wind and the rain. He thinks it's rather fitting, rain at a funeral. He tries to focus on anything other than the six foot deep hole he's standing next to.</p><p>
  <em>'Until death do us part'. </em>
</p><p>Roses, Arthur's favorite, lay atop the casket and Alfred feels a strange urge to laugh. All he can think is, <em>why did you leave me?</em></p><hr/><p><br/>Arthur feels so far away from him these days and he doesn't know how to fix this thing between them, doesn't even know when it broke, when did everything get so difficult? Lost in thought and holding a cup of cold tea is how he usually finds him. Fear always creeps in during these moments, what is he thinking of, will he be okay, is he cheating?</p><p><em>Restless,</em> Alfred thinks, <em>Arthur seems restless.</em> Every day feels like an eternity, wanting to talk to Arthur and not knowing where to start. Dust motes float through the air, illuminated by the early morning light, Alfred watches Arthur's distant gaze and he never thought he'd ever say this, but he misses the fights.</p><hr/><p>Arthur had left after their most recent fight, Alfred can't even remember what it was about, but it hurts when Arthur comes slinking back 2 days later and he appears to be just fine while Alfred is exhausted with worry.</p><p>Maybe he shouldn't worry, he tells himself, Arthur's been super busy with work, of course he needs a break from it all. Even from him, it would seem. Right now it feels like he's walking on eggshells, like everything he says is wrong somehow.</p><hr/><p>In the dark, sometimes Arthur will hold his hand. Maybe he thinks Alfred's asleep, and he'll talk softly, too low for Alfred to understand. Casting long shadows, the alarm clock shows the witching hour and Alfred drifts in and out of sleep, trying to listen. Arthur's voice sounds shaky sometimes, he catches a few things, love you, I'm sorry, I don't know what to do.</p><hr/><p>Exhausted, Alfred collapses on the guest bed. Nothing went right today, Arthur kept snapping at him over the smallest things, he'd accidentally burned dinner and cat Arthur threw up on the carpet. Gross as that was, he'd much rather clean up cat vomit than see Arthur right now. Lately his moods have been giving him whiplash, sweet and caring one second, grumpy and quiet the next, he doesn't know how to deal with this anymore. Alfred misses when everything was simple. Night comes around, Arthur sits next to Alfred and whispers that he's sorry, that he's just so tired and Alfred whispers that he's sorry too. Darkness hides Arthur's face when he says "I love you".</p><hr/><p>Arthur seems happier and Alfred feels absurd for doubting his faithfulness. Ribbon and pretty purple paper are carefully wrapped around the box Alfred finds in the closet, he grins and leaves it, pretends not to have noticed. Two weeks later, Christmas eve, Arthur gives Alfred his present, wrapped in shiny red and green wrapping paper. He must have changed it to be more Christmassy, Alfred muses, he would have loved it either way. Underneath the glittering holiday lights, Arthur looks stunning, even in his ugly Christmas sweater. "Rules are rules!" Alfred laughs, holding the mistletoe above their heads.</p><hr/><p>"Across The Universe or Donnie Darko?" Alfred holds up the dvds, waves them in front of Arthur's face. Life as a married couple seems much the same on the outside, except now he gets to say "This is my husband, Arthur".</p><p>For a while everything is aces, except Arthur goes quiet sometimes. Ring on the dresser, Alfred stares at it, Arthur must have forgotten in his rush for work. Evening, pink-orange sunlight gently reflects off of Arthur's knitting needles, a co-worker taught him he'd said when Alfred asked. <em>Does he even notice that he's not wearing his ring?</em> Alfred wonders, but he doesn't say anything, he just continues to watch Arthur knit as the silence settles heavily around them.</p><hr/><p>A simple golden band, one ring to rule them all, Alfred keeps patting his pocket to make sure it's still there. Making a grand public gesture doesn't seem like something Arthur would like, so Alfred is at a loss. Everything needs to be perfect, or close to it, he just wants Arthur to know that he loves him.</p><p>Roses, he decides to give him roses, make his favorite dinner, as best as he can anyway and of course Arthur already knows that Alfred loves him, how could he not. In the end, Alfred brings them back to their spot on the hill where they had their first date, it's raining, but Arthur has always loved the rain. Crazy really, how much he's shaking as he pulls out the small black box and prepares to ask this wonderfully terrifying question. Arthur says yes.</p><hr/><p>Every house needs a teakettle, Arthur once told him, so a teakettle is the first thing he buys for their new house. Nothing can bring me down, Alfred thinks, this is ours, our house. He keeps repeating it in his head and he feels so happy. Grass stains and splotches of paint cover their clothes, Arthur gardening and Alfred trying his hand at painting.</p><p>Late into the night, Alfred thinks about how lucky he is and he wonders what he did to deserve this. Alfred watches Arthur sleep, lazily runs his fingers through Arthur's hair. Numbers on the alarm clock blink slowly by. Drifting off, he dreams of cotton candy clouds and human and cat Arthur starting a band.</p><hr/><p>"Almost there! Come on, we don't wanna miss the meteor shower!" Alfred says excitedly while pulling Arthur along behind him, he glances back at him and his heart does funny little flips when Arthur smiles back at him. Racing pulse, he wonders if Arthur can tell that he's nervous.</p><p>They come to a stop at the top of the hill in front of a warm quilt spread out on the grass and the stars twinkle brightly above them. He wants to remember this moment forever, though it feels cheesy to think. "Ursa Major." He blurts out, pointing, because he doesn't know what else to say, Arthur just raises an eyebrow as if to say yes, I know. Relaxing, Alfred laughs, he doesn't know why he felt so nervous, with Arthur it all seems so easy.</p><hr/><p>"Alfred's the name, what's yours? Hey, I have a cat named Arthur! Like King Arthur? Must be fate. Right? Meeting you, I mean."</p>
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